I promise I’m not slacking already. It’s been an eventful week, as the title says. I’ve been planning a week long trip to Colorado, and that’s been so much fun (no, really, fun >.<).
I’m going to talk about something for a little bit tonight, as it’s therapeutic for me. Writing is so much easier for me to say something than it is to speak it.
Last Friday evening, my grandmother died. She had a stroke, a pretty major one that completely toasted her whole right side. Apparently she had the stroke, and was not discovered for at least two hours. Because of that, her organs did not receive the oxygen they needed, and her body was unable to recover. The reason her death is so poignant is that she not only is my last remaining grandparent, but she is the only one I really know. Her last husband, the man I called grandpa, died when I was eleven (I’m now thirty-five). My biological grandfather remains a mystery. On my mother’s side, that grandmother died last year, but I have only met her twice in my entire life. Her husband, my grandfather, died when I was around three.
So, you see, this grandmother was the only one I knew.
A couple of things about her death that bothered me. First, I had heard that she was still responsive and able to hear people when they spoke to her. She would squeeze my hand, and open her eyes (well, one of them) and look around. As I thought she could hear me, I spoke a few goodbyes to her. I wanted to believe she heard me. Later, as I left, something about that bugged me. She would do that little routine every time I spoke; the thought occurred to me that it may be an automatic reflex, and that she could not near me at all. Later, I talked to a nurse, and confirmed that suspicion. She was brain dead and gone long before I ever saw her. I can’t get that automatic action she did out of my head.
Second, when she finally died because of her organ shutdown, we were all there. I am familiar with ECG patterns, and I knew it was coming. Her heart stopped finally, and everyone stared at the monitor, waiting for it to come back. That bugged me a little, but the real thing that bothered me was that she had to stay on the respirator. So, she was still breathing, but dead. Oh that bugged me almost as much as the automatic response from earlier. The hospital can’t shut it off without a doctor to call time of death.
I’m pretty imaginative, and those two images just keep floating around in my head. It’ll take time, I know, but I’m stuck in a morbid merry-go-round in my head for a bit.
On a lighter note, my trip to Colorado starts tomorrow. 75 degrees instead of 110, it’s going to be great. Hopefully I can relax and get off that merry-go-round for a bit. I plan on finishing my current short story project, The Lawbringer ( the contest I’ve mentioned that requires a western), and doing some work on my first novel. It’ll be a good opportunity to have family time and just forget about the real world for a moment.
I’ll continue in a bit with my review opinions on the story in my previous post. Until then, have a great weekend!
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